Many relationships have bounced back from infidelity. Of course, some partners do call it quits when one has been caught cheating. But you would be surprised at the number of couples that are able to recover. So, how can you succeed in getting your ex back after an affair?
The first step is to get some distance and time behind you. Anyone who has met with disappointment knows that things get better after the passing of time. You may even have to suffer a period of unbearable grief before you are ready to move on with repairing the relationship. The key is to understand that you will not always feel as crappy as you do now.
Here are some tips to help you navigate the rough waters of bringing a relationship damaged by the glacier of infidelity safely back to the calm shores.
When the time is right, you and your partner will need to talk through what happened. Sadly, most of us do not have the skills to successfully talk through delicate and tense issues such as this. I would recommend that you seek the help of a therapist.
You also may want to decide if perhaps you or are partner are unfit for a relationship before you try to repair it. The cheating could be a blessing in disguise. For example, you and your partner could take this narcissistic personality disorder quiz. Don’t laugh. I’m dead serious. If you find that you are overly self-centered, you may what to work on that with a therapist before you start getting back into a serious relationship.
You will not be able to move on in the relationship until you are able to forgive. Often, forgiving is not something you can just make yourself do at will. The ability to forgive will come in its own time. Both you and your partner will have to wait patiently until you are ready. You will likely have to go through stages of sadness and anger before you come out of the other side ready to forgive.
Once the two of you are ready to move forward, you will need to establish some relationship goals. Again, this would be easier to do with a therapist. It’s ideal if both of you are willing to seek professional help. However, if one of you is unwilling for one reason or another, the willing one should seek therapy and then share the strategies learned with the other.
Do you or your partner fear intimacy? Try taking this quiz on the fear of intimacy, and see if you can get your partner to take it too. Fear of intimacy could make it difficult to repair a relationship wounded by infidelity. Repairing the relationship is going to take a lot of collaborative work. It’s going to require a lot of sharing, talking, and revealing oneself bare… all practices that will be difficult if one is also suffering from the inability to be intimate with another human being.
If two people are meant to be together and truly love each other, then there is not much that can separate them indefinitely. The is always hope for any couple regardless of the damage done to the relationship. As mentioned, you will have more success with the help of a professional, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t go it alone.